im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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