So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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