so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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