im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
