i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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