he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
