I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
