Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
