If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
