i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
