remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
