I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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