Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
