just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
