it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
