I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
