She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
