I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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