roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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