So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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