I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
nutella sex= disaster
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
