I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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