You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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