after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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