ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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