my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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