i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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