You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
