dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
