She's JV to your varsity
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
