Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
