if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
