did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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