I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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