Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
