Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
