you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
