chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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