Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
