at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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