well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
