mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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