Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize