you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
