Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
