Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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