so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
