Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
