When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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