the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
