Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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