U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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