Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
