the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
