Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
