so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
