I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
