i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
