dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
