Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
