Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
