Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
