Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
